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Singapore Polytechnic
Communications student
Strictly Dance Zone

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Finally met up with bev and emily after a looong time to catch up with each other over dinner @ Ramen Champz @ Iluma. It was great to see+chat with both of them again. Shared our stories, mostly of bev's and my romance life.. yada yada.

It's really funny how we used to be that three young girls roaming the school together but have grown up to lead three very different lives. Emily having just started working at a childcare centre not long, soon to pursue a diploma in childhood education. While bev's furthering her studies @ SIM.. Happy to catchup with them again and do hope that we go out again more often. :)

So we were chatting and all and bev accidentally let slip of something which really caught me by surprise - or more like shock. It really made me feel so unjustified to be holding all the blame to me and my ex not working out. Yes, I was wrong to have ended the relationship that way but really, it honestly isn't fair to judge just like that.

"the relationship was a mistake right from the beginning." I honestly don't know what to say. I didn't feel anything when I first heard that from bev but I couldn't stop thinking about that phrase. It is so disgusting, humiliating and insulting at the same time. Apparently, I have been a rebound all those while. I seriously don't get it.

What makes it stupid is that I was the one being chased and I was the one who got asked to be in the relationship. I put in my all, at least for that long period (at least a year) before internally realising we aren't meant for each other. YET, IT WAS A MISTAKE FROM THE START. My dear boy, if you find me a chore, which you already knew my personality and expectations of a rltnship, you should have goddamn not made those moves in the first place. And not ending it while it's still early and forcing yourself to accept me as your girl, what nonsense.

The worse thing is, the person who knew the truth and whom I took as my best friend hid it from me all these while. I treasure you best friend, but time and again, I feel so insulted and heartbroken by your actions. you knew I always had a liking towards someone else, though I pushed those feelings away as I wanted to put in my all in the relationship (admittedly wrong). You knew I wasn't being loved, and I wasn't in love, BUT you kept quiet. I really don't know whether I should be angry at you or not, but for the sake of our friendship, I don't wanna start a probable quarrel, esp for smth which has passed. however I can't deny how disappointed I am.

On this note, I wanna end off by saying how afraid I am of people now. People are such scary things. But at least from this, I learnt how stupid we have all been and how we should have ALL made out intentions clear. Perhaps then, things would have straightened out fine. back to top?

So the other day, I finally mustered the courage to email the dean of wkwsci to show my interest and for a short meeting/chat. Got a reply from the manager of UG studies inviting me to meet her and a Assoc Prof/Assist Chair next Wed afternoon. I was in the office and the moment I read the mail, I couldn't focus on my work man! So happy, but so damn nervous too.

Thankful to have this chance so I am going to prepare well though it's right after the CNY holidays. Gotta make this worthwhile! Really want this so let's go bling!

Bless me!

Can't wait for CNY. ANGBAO *-* back to top?

Here goes another attempt to revive my blog. Been wanting to blog for very long but procrastination always gets the best of me. BUT, I shall make an effort this time round. (I say this to myself every time)

Well anyway, 2011 has come and gone, so has my schooling life (until I get into university). Many things have changed, especially friends. It's really funny how you can put your all into a group of people, disregard time with family and other friends to spend time with them, place them as high priority and regard, and that group you call good friends turn their backs on you just because of one thing you did (morally) wrong, even though if it wasn't directed at them. It goes to show the superficiality of human beings. (but then again, I did something wrong, so who am I to judge? even if I conceded)

So there goes my only group of 'friends', I'm not shy to say I've lost all my friends now, it's better than being around with bogus 'friends'. But I do cherish the times we've had, it was really fun while it lasted. I wish, however, that I had spread out my time to bond with other people as well.

That aside, I've found a really great guy, a really wonderful boyfriend. Not that I'm boasting or trying to comfort myself for the turn of events or being cliche. I'm really thankful to have found someone who is so alike me, and with whom I can always be myself around without having to worry that he finds me sickening one day. and.. I love him to bits (:

It sucks that poly life is over. Sucks even more that I didn't get into the course/school that I wanted (and still want to go to). Really regretted not putting effort into scoring better during Year 1 and 2. I did my best in year 3 though: scored rather well but it was too late to pull up the very-average-DMC grade, which is not enough.

Therefore, I'm working now, and REALLY hopefully (please pray for me), my work experience helps me with this year's application. NTU applications starts in Feb, and I'm already feeling so nervous and stressed about it now. WKWSCI, I really wanna be part of you. I've put in my best to prove myself ever since Year 3 till now, and I pray that I will be rewarded with a place. Sure, I can go somewhere else, private uni or smth, but it still isn't as wholesome. And it's expensive too.

Work-wise, I've worked at MDA previously as an admin/event assistant for the ScreenSingapore 2011 project. Really great experience and met lots of wonderful people there that made my short 1 month+ stay memorable. Currently working at MCYS, Youth Division now, for Youth.SG, pursuing my writing interest. Worked for 3 months as an intern, miserly pay but it doesn't matter as I want experience, not money. It's great though, as I got a good boss and colleagues, and a place where my work is appreciated. :)
BUT STILL... work life is so tiring compared to school. I WANT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOOOL. I miss studying.

That's all for now. Pretty much sums up 2011 for me.
After typing all these, I realise my first post into reviving my blog seems so emo. lol~ Ahhhh, whatever.

Labels: 2011, summary

back to top?

Because there is only one you, that is why I'm afraid. back to top?

Hi world,

finally decided to blog after ages (of laziness).

am blogging now as I am now jobless and I have nothing to do.
Finally graduated from poly, but its really sad that both ntu n nus comms doesn't want me.
boohoo!

but its alright, imma work for a year, accumulate a good working experience and use it as my 'weapon' when i apply again next year. NTU/NUS. you watch out! *determined*

so for the time being, I should go look for a PROPER job that can help me in my resume/portfolio.
*dread* i hate looking for jobs, its so tedious... ahh well.

-

lifestyle's changed a lot since a while back.
many things have came and gone.
for the better, or for worse?
I really do not know but I sure hope I can get over some stuff and make this situation be for the better.
Besides, I'm supposed to be 'all grown up' now that i'm already 20.
ahh.. this sucks.

Labels: life, update

back to top?

I said Im gonna leave you alone and just move on and forget everything.

But truth is, I really can't.

I miss you dear friend,
do you still 'like' me?

though it might sound v drama, but I really want you back.

\\ evermore so tired than before back to top?

goodbye my 8-10 years best friend.
i have enjoyed the times with you & there will always be memories.
i know i have been a bitch & have done things i shouldn't have done.
people say best friends will stand by you through whatever happens,
people tell me you are not worth it & i'll meet better friends.
& yes i have said mean things about you, yes i don't like some things about you,
but still, you have been my best friend n i accept your flaws.

I know i'd be thoroughly heartbroken at your answer as to how you now see this friendship. & yes, i am devastated. It sounds really drama but its gonna take me awhile to move on. This is how much i value us.

Thank you & I wish you the best in your future.
Bye. back to top?