-Pending this for more time to do a proper post-

Firstly, I woke up at 5am. on a Sunday (TORTURE). For the first time in I-dont-even-know-how long, I left house when the sky was still dark, and the birds were singing their morning chirping song-thingy, at 5.45am. All this for an old friend from primary school, Cheng Ho, who is probably still in the plane bound for London. So yeah, met a couple of our primary school group of friends to send CH off. Never been particularly close to him but feel slightly sad nonetheless-one less active 'member' in our 6A6ers chat, and he'll be away for studies for 4 years some more. By then, we'd be 27. 27!

Though tired and on empty stomachs, it was nice to be able to send him off. Many of his other friends were there too-makes me wonder how he really felt having to leave this home for 4 long years..

But anyway, the funniest thing out of that 1hr before CH went off was how there were two guys around whom I've date before. Not quite sure how to put it in words, definitely not awkward but perhaps more of ironic/bizarre/strange.

Moving on, took pictures all, said bye. Had breakfast at Paradise Dynasty with Erns and Boon, felt cheated cos we wanted xiao long bao but they only had breakfast la mian menu till 10.30am but we still ate anyway. Had a great chat about relationships and guys, and girls, and looks etc. with them all the way back to Yishun. It was great, enjoyed meself. 

Oh and I finally bought lip balm. Never liked putting on anything on my face, or body for that matter, but I figured it's about time I do something to make myself look more presentable, and my lips always make me look so pale. 

Home at 11+ and slept after using the comp a little. Woke at 2 and played, watch vid, eat, till right now.

New office tomorrow! So farrrrr. What a draaag. But oh well, new place to re-explore so... Yeah! Looking forward!

Right, so I missed TWO days now. =[ Missed Thursday as I was out drinking till 3am. No reason for Friday tho. *slaps self* but well, I wanted to do a proper post as I have lots to reflect upon on this topic, so here goes:

I've had quite a number of experiences in different industries with various roles. I've done writing, marketing, events, production, and customer service. But they were all relatively short stints - my longest was as a writer/journalist with Youth.SG for 9-months, before I left to pursue my degree. I absolutely loved it there-I was doing what I love, in a very enjoyable environment, and with encouraging guidance from both colleagues and my boss/supervisor. It was probably my best work experience so far and I missed working there so much. Unfortunately, they couldn't hire full-time writers, otherwise it would have been such a pleasure to go back.

As for the worst work experience.. I'd say there isn't one that particularly stands out as being the worst, but I've had a handful of.. awful experiences. In all my jobs, I've encountered: 

- Downright lazy bosses/supervisor

- Colleagues/teammates who boot-licks boss, 'shows different faces' when with different people, unreasonably picks fights with me just because I seem easy to bully, and plays politics

- Colleagues/teammates who thinks highly of him/herself but actually, they suck-workwise.

  >Colleagues/teammates who doesn't work in a team, doesn't take suggestions, doesn't listen to advice.

Having worked at quite a number of places, I pretty much had my fair share of good and bad experiences. And I pretty much know what I can/cannot do-in terms of work.

I really like writing, but I don't want to work for newspapers-heard lots of 'horror' stories from people who worked there. It would be a dream to be able to do something like getting paid to travel and write about the beautiful places around the world. But, even though I love to write, I know my writing isn't fantastic. So, for now, it will remain a dream. I'll just blog ;P

Besides writing, I do enjoy doing some other stuff like events. Therefore, marketing is a rather interesting role for me, as I get to do writing, social media, and events too. And while it's mostly office-based, I get to go out-of-office sometimes too, which is what I'd like. 

Ideally, (as I'm not really enjoying what I do right now) I can write in my next job, and be able to grow as a writer and also contribute significantly to the company. 

Or, likewise, as a marketing or events person, to be able to grow and contribute significantly.

Lastly and most importantly, I'd also enjoy what I do.

Yay! *gives myself a pat on the back*

It has been pretty satisfying to be consecutively blogging every day this past week. Nothing to boast about but still, feeling rather proud of myself - for having decided to do this challenge and actually doing it for real (not procrastinating). It's liberating to be voicing out my thoughts, especially in the way I feel I express myself the best - through words/writing. 

I guess the most difficult part about doing this challenge so far, for the past 7 consecutive days (disregarding the one I missed..), is squeezing out time to make sure I do it before the day is over - on weekdays, I work till 6pm and if I go out at night, by the time I get home, there's hardly any time to do anything, let alone blog, before 12am comes and pass. And I don't want to be rushing out a blog post just to meet the 'deadline'. It feels pointless to do so because I'd be blogging just to fulfill the requirement instead of truly putting in the effort to journal.

Despite the tight schedule on certain days-having to make sure I post on time, it has been enjoyable to journal every day. More or less what I have expected. So far, Day 5 was the toughest - Letter to a Loved One. Writing that letter kinda reached deep in mentally and emotionally, but it felt really good to pour it out and be able to actually form them into words and structured sentences... if that makes any sense..

So, yeah. Looking forward to work on the 3 weeks more of this journal challenge!

Most of them are written within the pretext of content for man but I'd say the points are still pretty much applicable. I can't decide on one so I picked out some below:

“The way of a superior man is three-fold: virtuous, he is free from anxieties; wise, he is free from perplexities; bold, he is free from fear.” –Confucius

“This is the test of your manhood: How much is there left in you after you have lost everything outside of yourself?” –Orison Swett Marden

“For the man who makes everything that leads to happiness, or near to it, to depend upon himself, and not upon other men … has adopted the very best plan for living happily. This is the man of moderation; this is the man of manly character and of wisdom.” –Plato

The first person who came to mind for this is someone who isn't really a loved one anymore - more like a loved-ed one? But I guess it still counts.

So, to the special someone,

Three years isn't exactly very long, but it isn't short at all either, and even though I'm coping quite alright after we part and I know I'll be perfectly fine one day, some memories still creep back. I miss you. I miss the times with you. I miss telling you about my day and sharing interesting bits of stuff with you. I miss being able to completely be my stupid self around you and yet not be judged, or at least, still be loved for being myself.

It's true what they say about not knowing what you have until it's gone. I now see how many little things I overlooked. The little things that shows your love, care, and concern. Perhaps I took it for granted. Perhaps I'm too greedy. Or perhaps, the feelings just started to fade.. and I never wanted to admit it because it was so much more comfortable being where we were. 

I don't know if what I did was right/wrong. I feel like the love is gone, but I can't deny I still care about you and the knot in my throat still comes when my relatives/friends ask about you, and my tears still flow like a running tap while typing this.

One thing for sure, I am wrong. Not wrong in the sense of ending this, but I, am wrong. You are right about me being overly-dependent. I am naive and gullible. I rely too much on people's opinions and sway too easily. I am not a good person. I have so much to work on, so much to improve on, so much to change.

I'm sorry for leaving while you're still serving. But maybe it's for the better. Maybe we fell in love at the wrong time of our lives, maybe not. Maybe it would have been different if a more talkative you and a more independent me fell in love. 

Thank you for the memories. We had a great run. I apologise to you and your mom, dad, and sis. From the depths of my heart, I thank all of you for having welcomed me into your lives and taking care of me for the past 3 years. I sincerely wish the best for you, your studies-should you choose to further them, your future career, and everything else. Most importantly, I wish you happiness. 

I hope that someday, somehow, we can be friends again. 

Take care Long.

With love,

Beiby.

* 1) STOP PROCRASTINATING *