June 1st 1991 baby
ex - Singapore Polytechnic communications student
Strictly Dance Zone

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So much unspoken words, so much built up unhappiness and angst.

What is a friend? Should a friend be happy for you even if it makes them sad? Should a friend be supportive even when deep down s/he hates what's happening?

It's so hard. So much bad memories from past wounds. So much effort in recovering from them. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother, how I'm even able to do so. Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve this. Sometimes I feel like I don't have any friends I can truly call my friend. And sometimes I wonder if it's because of me, and at other times, I wonder if you made an impact on this. Sometimes I wonder why I can't have my own privacy.

It so damn disappointing and frustrating when your supposed great friend lets you down again, and again, and again. What's the point of forgiving and forgetting when they don't deserve it? Sometimes it feels like it's their joy to 'steal' your joy for themselves, psychotic as it sounds.

What's a friend who gets angry at you and stops talking to you when someone s/he likes starts talking to you regularly? What's a friend who relish in dominating your circle of friends? What's a friend who enjoys alone time with another mutual friend, but gets jealous when you spend time alone with that mutual friend? What's a friend who cares more about what s/he feels or what s/he can gain more than truly caring about you? Aren't all these just immature and selfish?

I'm sick and tired of being the soft one, the one whose feelings get trampled, the one who carries the weight by herself, in her heart, quietly. I'm not a perfect person, no one is. But I deserve better and I know it. back to top?