June 1st 1991 baby
ex - Singapore Polytechnic communications student
Strictly Dance Zone

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I can't hold it back anymore.
Im not beating around the bush anymore.
Im not lying that im all right anymore.

Im really really upset. =[ n disappointed. im finding it really really hard to believe you. i don't even know wat is happening anymore. what you've said in front of me n what've you did behind is really contradictive. its ruining my life. D:

tears roll down my cheek every other day.
my heart has shattered into millions.
don't know where n when to start glueing them back togethr.
don't know if you really loved me.
don't know if you know i really love you.
don't know if you know the pain im feeling inside, watching you walk away.
don't know if i can survive till 6th november.
don't wanna see you walk away.
don't wanna walk the lonely road alone.



I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most was being
so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do



Part of the lyrics:
Open your eyes and look outside, find a reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
Yeah,oh

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Labels: It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go

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Maths paper 2 just now. dont know wat to say. its an average paper or fairly easy i guess? but i just couldnt concentrate. sighs. i was stuck at qn4 for quite long time becus my brain was like.. not working... it was flying all arnd othr thoughts. sighs. fuck man.

felt totally horrible ytd night. i cant pretend. its only 7 mre days til 6th nov all right. but it hav bin 2 weeks of pain, loneliness, insecurity, dilemma, unable to eat.. n recently insomnia. fck. my life is getting messed up by some CRAP.

woke up dis morning wid my heart weighted. had a nightmare just before my mom woke me up. dreamt dat everything has started to crumble.. n dat tyl wrote in his blog like.. please lets jus be frens.. like very hate me like dat. gawd. it felt so terrible. =[ perhaps its bin wat i saw ytd night dat made my brain n heart n whole body so.. weak n cold.. shant say here. PRIVATE thoughts r meant to be written on private blogs. =[

checked out some bulletins on frenster..

A True Boyfriend.

When she stares at
your mouth
[ smile...then kiss her ]

When she pushes you or hit's you
[ hug her tight ]

When she starts cursing at you
[ say i love you ]

When she's quiet
[ hold her hand and ask what's wrong ]

When she ignores you
[ act cute so she'll notice you ]

When she pulls away
[ Pull her back ]

When you see her at her worst
[ tell her you love her and she still
looks amazing ]

When you see her start crying
[hold her...ask her what's wrong]

When you see her walking
[ approach her..give a kiss on the
cheek. ]

When she's scared
[assure her you're not goin to leave
her ]

When she lays her head on your
shoulder
[ tilt your head too..and hold her
hand ]

When she steals your favorite hat
[ let her keep it]

When she teases you
[ Tease her back and make her laugh ]

When she doesnt answer for a long time
[ reassure her that everything is
okay ]

When she looks at you with doubt
[ Back yourself up ]

When she says that she likes you
[ she really does more than you could
understand ]-so true..

When she grabs at your hands
[ Hold hers and play with her
fingers ]

When she bumps into you
[ bump into her back and make her
laugh ]

When she tells you a secret
[ keep it safe and untold ]

When she looks at you in your eyes
[ dont look away until she does ]

When she misses you
[ she's hurting inside ]- D': sighs.

When you break her heart
[ the pain never really goes away ] -D': double sighs.

When she says its over
[ she still wants you to be hers ]

When she repost this bulletin
[ she wants you to read it ]


- Stay on the phone with her even if
shes not saying anything.

- When she's mad hug her tight and
don't
let go

- When she says she's ok dont believe
it, talk with her

- because 10 yrs later she'll remember
you:

- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday
to
te ll her you love her

- Call her before you sleep and after
you wake up

- Treat her like she's all that matters
to you.

- Tease her and let her tease you back.

- Stay up all night with her when she's
sick.
- Watch her favorite movie with her or
her favorite show even if you think its
stupid.
- Give her the world.

- Let her wear your clothes.

- When she's bored and sad, hang out
with her.

- Let her know she's important.

- Kiss her in the pouring rain.

- When she runs up at you crying, the
first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking babe?"

If you do post this in the next four
minutes the one you love will :

•Call you.
•Kiss you.
•Love you.
•Text you.

Guys post as: "i'd be this boyfriend."
Girls post as: "A true boyfriend " or "
what a boyfriend should do



&& 应为我很怕失去你.
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Im disturbed. very very disturbed.

Over-reading between lines does harm. =[[
sighs. am supposed to complete 1 maths ppr2 today/night but i cudnt concentrate after havign read some stuff. gawdd. i feel terrible. don't know wat to think. dun dare to think.. will be horrified if wat i think is real. argh. D:

don't know if i can concentrate tomorrow.
Gawd, bless me. back to top?

3 paper down. IN ONE DAY =D
7 more to go.

Eng paper 1 topics was quite sucky, for both sections.
Section1:
1. smth abt creating ur rules for a new sch.
2. smth abt now pp live longer.. den wat problems does it phase or smth..
3. a story-writing dat kind abt someone did not live up to his/her reputation
4. Write about what you will value and miss in ur own country, if u had to live in anthr country.
5. Heroes

I wrote topic 4, abt security, food, n greenery. crapped a whole loada shit. quite a number of peeps wrote Heroes. idk why. o.o One word topics r like, de most difficult to write. well anyw when i saw topic 5 de 1st thing dat came into my mind was the show Heroes. my bro dled n finished watchin liaos. im SO gona watch it after Os. =P

Section2:
New facility in sch.. senior students r to giv opinion to principal.
-drama theatre (smth like dat)
-Sports complex complete wid an indoor swimming pool
-Multi-media resource centre.

choose one, explain why, n how to equip de facility etc..
difficult sia. i chose multi-media resource centre.

Paper2 was abt Astronomy n Astrology. pssge 2 was rather interesting. made me laugh. ppr was avrg bah.. =X

MATHS PAPER 1 IS EASY =DDDDDD
but a lil disappointed. lost some marks which i cud hav gotten if i rmbed dat thing more thoroughly. but overall relatively easy. de last3 pages of the paper=free marks. xdd


Stretching out the jacket in front of me,
Seemed like you were once in that jacket,
Stretching your arms out to welcome a hug.
But it all fades away in the blink of my eye.
The thought of that makes me miss. yearn. hope. wonder. pray.

Wearing it makes me feel warm.
But its still cold.
'Cus everything has materialized
and the warmth that i get is only from the jacket itself.
Will the jacket bring me guinuine warmth in future?
Or will it just be an imitation, forged. back to top?

blab blab BAHS! manage to do one paper1 frm maths tys n anthr ppr 1 dat sch gave us to practice, WHICH DID NOT HAV ANSWERS. wtf. PUTA!! hah! bev taught me dat term quite a period of time ago. i stil rmb =D PUTA! haha. well. wanted to do a paper2 currently but family gg out to hav dinner an a while, mayb in an hr. cus mom's lazy to cook tonight. HAH. so id probably time myself de paper2 after dinner.

IN WHICH I shud be studying physics or social studies right now! i DO have my SS txtbk right infront of me.. but. dun feel like opening it. =[
ended up looking at some nice-touching-soothing song MVs. n i rly feel like watching dis movie after seeing the following MV lor. although its like.. wayy long ago de movie, but stil, i nv watch before cans!



so touching. =x
the lyrics the Kim Hee Sun (female singer) sang is rather meaningful.. i guess. back to top?

haha! thanks Boon Jie for getting me laughing wid these spastic rabbits! =DD

My Fav:
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sighs. am supposed to be practicing maths right now. gawdd. but i really cant concentrate.

looked at past pictures and reminisce............



[a picture here have been removed to preserve marlene tan's reputation. LOL]










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Favourite :



=DD back to top?

YAY 3 papers down!!!
BOO! 10 more papers to go. =[

be strongg girl.

hah! History today was... idk. like that lor! ~~ i read Germany, Japan n Cold War betw USSR n USA. HENG SEQ come out got Jap. de othr two was China n de duno wat khruschev thingy. chapt 9 one. godd! I LOVE YOU JAPAN. haha! but! SBQ was sucky. i din even KNOW wat i was blabbering abt. lmaos. din hav enough time to do my SBQ properly as i took arnd 50~55mins to do my SEQ first. bahs. SBQ was abt Lenin dat part; bolshevik menshevik. LMAO. din touch dat chap at all. lucky i met mei shen at intrchg n asked her a tiniie bit abt bolsheviks n menshevik.

maths tuition at 4.30 wasnt v much, my brain was actually shut off n i think my cher cud see cus she seem to din want to let me off at abt 1hr thru the tuition n kept taking more past maths paper out n picking qns for me to do. surprisingly i used up de 1.5hrs! wow. i usually oni spend 1hr at my cher's hse.

cant believe how silly i am to purposely buy a bottle of Green Tea hoping i might buy jus a little more time n cud bump into someone again. gawdd. sighs. sillyyyyyyyy silly me! haha.

mmh. was listening to this Zhang Xin Ze's song. Cong Kai Shi Dao Xian Zai. 张信哲 - 从开始到现在. ahhhh~ i think im addicted to some emo shit songs lyrics.
Some of 从开始到现在's lyrics that got into me:

"难道爱情可以转交给别人
但命运注定留不住我爱的人"
and esp this verse:
"拿什么作证
从未想过爱一个人
需要那么残忍才证明爱得深"

gawd! im becoming some emo shit. tian ah jiu jiu wo ahhh =[

Some things are meant to be written and posted elsewhere, you won't see them here. ~~ =)
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Addicted to a song which i heard from radio a few days ago n just got it from Jerz.

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yay. chem down, CS down.
Having a date with Yamashita, Hilter, Mao Zedong, Sun Yet Sun and many other IMPRESSIVE men tonight. hopefully i dun get PURGED by 'em. BAHhahas!

CS was okay, seeing that i actually rushed thru 2 years of CS in 1 night n 1 morning. One thing that im very happy is, THEY TESTED THE TERM "BUFFER" HOHOHO!!!! Its a region of memory that holds information while it is being transferred frm anthr location. HOHOHO. i asked for the definition of dat term like, evry single time there is a CS paper. hehs. surprisingly, i did the paper realllyyyyy slowlyyyy. it took me 2hrs and 26mins to finish de paper. my god! only 4mins extra.

oh and there was this maniacal china guy examiner. evry few steps he take/evry few seconds, he will stop, stand upright, n then start waving his hands-arms arnd in a v conductive way. meaning like as if he was being a conductor of a band or smth.. waving his hands arnd. CRAZY guy luhs. bloody hell! made me distracted n keep staring at him. n he did it in de middle of the hall la can! JOKER.

yikes. food still makes me feel like puking.

&& the addictive 'smell' of your jacket . back to top?

orytes. Chem paper over. SUCKED. my god. the paper is dam freaking tricky luhs. DD:
and theres this crapped up QA qn:

Metallic Salt Q - add water.
Then
[1 side] - Aq. Ammonia added. White ppt formed, soluble in excess Aq. Ammonia.
[Other side] - Warmed wid Aluminium powder and Sodium Hydroxide. colourless pungent gas produce n turned red litmus blue. Then futhur anthr arrow where water is added to form (if im not wrong,) a clear solution.

WTF is metallic salt Q?! 1st side is obviously Zinc. then the othr side show AMMONIA?! wtf?! ammonia zincate??! zinc ammonium? zinc ammoniate?! is dere even such stuff? my god. i wrote zinc nitrate. =\

Is it fate that we met so coincidentally today? no idea. =$ maybe buying chips often will let me bump into someone i wanna bump into. LOLs.

well chem is over. blahs. now trying to do last minute revision for Comp studies. my god. suck luhs. so many terms. Buffer.. Bandwidth. Encryption. NIC. OMR. wat shit also got. die le lor. =[[


I WANT TO LEARN RAGGAE DANCE AFTER OS!!! i decided i wun wana learn hiphop. i want Raggae Dance =DDD anyone wana join me? xP back to top?

just wanna keep some memories here. its a past but it wun stay as dead history.
i dont wanna forget these n later on regret dat ive never noted it down nor say thanks to show my appreciation..

Thanks for the void deck 'confession' on wed.
it was painful resisting..
it was heartbreaking reality..
but it is a sweet memory no doubt.

Thanks for the study time ytd.
Thanks for taking the train.
Thanks Gary =))
-依依不舍-

Its difficult to smile.
to trust.
to appreciate.
to tell myself "只要笑一笑,没设么事情过不了."
to see people being so happily together and not feel envy/jealousy.

Therefore its time to learn.
though i've been spoilt like a little girl.
but im willing to try. =|
becus nothing else matters to me.. not anymore.


suddenly thought of the 7pm show on chnl 8 that just ended: Tian Soon Ye Ye. thought of the scene whr the girl broke up wid de guy even though they loved each othr so very much.
the girl told the guy: ive thought n i think i know wat went wrg in our relationship. u take things lightly, dats ur personality. u like to leave problems on its own becus u think dat Chuan Dao Qiao Tou Zi Ran Zhi [when the ship reaches the quay, it will go straight naturally]. n u let this be the same for our relationship too. when we have problems, u keep ur distance n wait for things to straighten out. its till you are being forced, or pressurised, or made to do things, then you start to solve problems. however, im the kinda dat needs to be spoilt, to be loved, to be cared for every moment....

somehow. although dat speech de girl said is not de same for me. but afta de study time ytd. it made me think. is it dat our personalities really doesnt fit after all? Will happiness be ensured even if evrything is 'restarted'? -listens to Daniel Bedingfield's If You're Not The One- Can things really work out after all? Will trust be an issue in the future?

I don't know. I don't want to know, not now. maybe not at all. becus im silly/stubborn enough to want a future that have Matthew and Belle. back to top?

Let me stay with you even if it hurts both of us
Why must I always demand so much
Don’t you know my heart could never stay put
There’s simply only one love I want

Believing in miracles we can come across
I go on playing a melody for you
Even if I end up losing everything
This feeling is forever, It’s my truth

Believe in yourself even when you stumble
Wipe your tears as you walk on
Open up your heart beyond the memories, surely
There is a hope we call tomorrow

Give me your loneliness
and I’ll give you my tenderness
Don’t forget the dream we saw that day
Even if we’re separated, in this heart
I will feel you forever, It’s my truth

Your whisper reaches the scattered stars
Illuminating my confused heart
In every encounter and farewell, what people search for is
This strong bond that will unite them someday

All the sadness throughout the world
If it’s for you, I can take it all in
Even if the whole world deserts me
I believe in those eyes, It’s my truth back to top?

i never would have dreamt of you doing this to me.
what did i do to deserve this, i dont know.
but if its your choice.
i cant say nothing more...



Title: Jojo - Leave (Get Out) lyrics
Artist: Jojo

I’ve been waiting all day for ya babe
so won’t you come sit and talk to me
and tell me how we’re gonna be together always
hope you know that when this late at night
I hold on to a pillow tight
I think ‘bout how you promised me forever
I never thought that anyone could make me feel this way
now that you’re here boy all I want is just a chance to say

get out (leave) right now
it’s the end of you and me
it’s too late (now) and I can’t wait for you to be gone
cause I know about her (move)
and I wonder (why) how I bought all the lies
you said that you would treat me right
but you were just a waste of time (waste of time)

tell me why you looking so confused
when I’m the one that didn’t know the truth
how could you ever be so cold?
you go behind my back and call my friend
boy you must’ve fall and bumped your head
because you left your number on her phone
so now that after all that you’ve said and done
maybe I’m the one to blame but
to think the one that you could be the one
well it didn’t work out that way

get out (leave) right now
it’s the end of you and me
it’s too late (now) and I can’t wait for you to be gone (you to be gone)
cause I know about her (move)
and I wonder (why) how I bought all the lies (all the lies)
you said that you would treat me right (you said that you)
but you were just a waste of time (waste of time)

I wanted you right here with me
but I have no choice you’ve got to leave
because my heart is breaking with
every word I’m saying, I gave up everything I had
on something that just would not last
but I refuse to cry
no tears will fall from these eyes (ohh, ohh)

get out

get out (leave) right now
it’s the end of you and me (you and me)
it’s too late (now) and I can’t wait for you to be gone (you to be gone)
cause I know about her (move)
and I wonder (why) how I bought all the lies (how did I …)
you said that you would treat me right (you said that you)
but you were just a waste of time (waste of time)

get out (leave) right now
it’s the end of you and me (hey yeah)
it’s too late (now) and I can’t wait for you to be gone (you to be gone)
cause I know about her (move)
and I wonder (why) how I bought all the lies
you said that you would treat me right (treat me right)
but you were just a waste of time (waste of time)

get out (leave) (you and me)
it’s too late (too late) (now)

about her (now) (why)

you said that you would treat me right
but you were just a waste of time (ohh)



Its just all a pile of lies afterall.
Have you ever loved me? back to top?

wondering really leads to anyhow think. bahs

sorry. =\
-ashamed- back to top?

i cant pretend i didnt see anything.
its hurting me.
and the looks of it is so high... back to top?

i miss you lots..

ur arms.
ur body.

wish i could see you. back to top?

It's terrible to feel upset deep down inside and be unable to speak the words you wanna speak.
It's horrible to be jealous of something you know you might not have the right to be jealous of.
It's dreadful to be disappointed at something that you did not expect to happen or you expect to happen but it did not, even though it is something small.
It's disturbing when you see things happening all around you but you don't know anything about it.
It's unnerving when jealousy sinks in.

It's heartbreaking when everything adds up.
but it's even more fearful..

when you don't know what to do. back to top?

Today is officially the last day of school in CCHY!!
yays n boos.

yays i finally left dis kuku sch handled by a kuku administration under the lead of a KUKU principal n a nerd ku vice principal n a FAT ASS WOMAN.

recess today felt so quiet n slacky... like the school's long ended..
anyw. emo mo in cls at the last few periods. gawd. de last time we 4F will stay in a cls tgt. -misses-

EMO. id so miss the class. gawd.
graduation tml. gosh. time flies. 4 yrs of sec sch. bu zhi bu jue. fly past le. =x

hopes dat memories stays forever. (:


It's better to hold no expectations after all..
because then there won't be disappointments. back to top?

aint gg blog much right now. 10 days more til O's Sci Pract. 16 days to first O's paper for me-Sci(chem) paper. -sick-

[THIS IS GOING TO BE A RANDOM POST]

sick of this life.
reminiscence.
jealousy.
envy.
tired.
lazy.
sleepy.
looking-forward:
sick. sick. sick SICK.
SUCKS!

-hates- -my- -LIFE-
D:

UNFAIR!!!!
its called jealousy.


I miss my old life. ): back to top?