Cold Nostalgia

June 1st 1991 baby
ex - Singapore Polytechnic communications student
Strictly Dance Zone

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Sunday, August 31, 2014 @ 11:44 PM

Day 5 of 31 - Letter to a Loved One

Day 5: Write a letter to a loved one. Chances are high that there is someone in your life that you’d like to say something important to. Maybe it’s a wife, a parent, a grandparent you never really got to say goodbye to…take the time today to write that out. It can be positive, negative, or anywhere in between. The beauty of this letter is that you aren’t sending it in the mail, you’re simply “voicing” something that needs to be said. Should you choose to share it later, that’s okay, but you don’t have to. Doing this can be a great way to heal anger that’s been pent up inside, or to release a pressure valve of sadness we may have been harboring over something lost.

The first person who came to mind for this is someone who isn't really a loved one anymore - more like a loved-ed one? But I guess it still counts.

So, to the special someone,

Three years isn't exactly very long, but it isn't short at all either, and even though I'm coping quite alright after we part and I know I'll be perfectly fine one day, some memories still creep back. I miss you. I miss the times with you. I miss telling you about my day and sharing interesting bits of stuff with you. I miss being able to completely be my stupid self around you and yet not be judged, or at least, still be loved for being myself.

It's true what they say about not knowing what you have until it's gone. I now see how many little things I overlooked. The little things that shows your love, care, and concern. Perhaps I took it for granted. Perhaps I'm too greedy. Or perhaps, the feelings just started to fade.. and I never wanted to admit it because it was so much more comfortable being where we were.

I don't know if what I did was right/wrong. I feel like the love is gone, but I can't deny I still care about you and the knot in my throat still comes when my relatives/friends ask about you, and my tears still flow like a running tap while typing this.

One thing for sure, I am wrong. Not wrong in the sense of ending this, but I, am wrong. You are right about me being overly-dependent. I am naive and gullible. I rely too much on people's opinions and sway too easily. I am not a good person. I have so much to work on, so much to improve on, so much to change.

I'm sorry for leaving while you're still serving. But maybe it's for the better. Maybe we fell in love at the wrong time of our lives, maybe not. Maybe it would have been different if a more talkative you and a more independent me fell in love.

Thank you for the memories. We had a great run. I apologise to you and your mom, dad, and sis. From the depths of my heart, I thank all of you for having welcomed me into your lives and taking care of me for the past 3 years. I sincerely wish the best for you, your studies-should you choose to further them, your future career, and everything else. Most importantly, I wish you happiness.

I hope that someday, somehow, we can be friends again.

Take care Long.

With love,

Beiby.

Saturday, August 30, 2014 @ 6:26 PM

Day 4 of 31 - Ridding Bad Habits

Before starting on this post proper, I realised I have mixed Day 3's post with Day 4 due to it's similarity, so, I have edited Day 3's post and 'shifted' some of Day 3's content to today.. and here it is:

Day 4: Via negativia; today, pick a habit that you’d like to eliminate from your life. Bad habits are like armpits, we all have ‘em and they all stink. Whether cutting soda out of your life, or putting a stop to your porn addiction; either way, as with yesterday, think about the steps you’ll take in order to put the kibosh on that negative habit. And again, also think about how you’ll keep yourself accountable to that goal.

* 1) STOP PROCRASTINATING *

I am a lazy ass, and a scaredy-cat. And those two makes for serious procrastination.
So I guess within this is two bad habits to kick:
- to stop being so lazy, and
- to stop letting fear stop me.

SO, instead of procrastinating and putting things off till Next Time (which, more often than not, becomes Never), I'm going to (need to) just do it. Things like
- blogging,
- quitting my job,
- Selling those stuff I've been wanting to sell away for the longest time
- actually travel-go places I've always wanted to..

I'm gonna just go forth and step out of this comfort zone. I need to.

Friday, August 29, 2014 @ 11:59 PM

Day 3 of 31 - Positive Habits to Implement

[edited on 30/8/14 - realised i didn't correctly do Day 3]

Day 3: Decide on one positive habit you’d like to implement in your life. Whether seemingly mundane (like flossing) or perhaps life-altering (exercising every day), think of something you’d like to add to your life that will be beneficial. Then, think about the steps you’ll take to get there, and how you’ll keep yourself accountable.

Gosh, I've tons of positive habits I'd like to implement. So much of myself to improve on! Instead of just one, I'm gonna list a few -more important- ones:

1) Take care of my health and beauty

I've always had a frail body. And the fact that I don't look after it well makes things worse. So I'll need to be more hardworking in this area. Some of the things I'm gonna try doing to:
- Sleep earlier (before 12.30am),
- Snack less
- Work out more: Run. Do crunches, push-ups.
- Taking care of my skin and complexion, esp my face. A big part of that is learning how to do so properly.. :\

2) Spend time with parents

Pretty much self-explanatory.

3) Read consistently
I loved reading when I was young. So much so that I secretly got up to read way past my bedtime during primary school. And I wanted to be an author. ;D But along the way as I moved on to Secondary school and onwards, I somehow stopped. Spent more time playing video games than anything else. I'd really like to start reading consistently again. On this, I've just finished The Fault in our Stars and Divergent recently! yay.

Hmm, Insurgent next perhaps?

Hopefully, my will to carry out these habits sticks!

Thursday, August 28, 2014 @ 11:46 PM

Day 2 of 31 - 6-Word Memoir

Day 2: Continuing to work within that idea of constraints, try to write a 6-word memoir of your life so far. This idea is rumored to have originated from Papa Hemingway. The benefit is that with only six words, you really have to filter your life to what you deem most important. It may take you many iterations, but you’ll end up with something that speaks largely to who you are, if not in toto, then at least in this moment in time.

After quite abit of edits, here goes my 6-word memoir:

Naively stupid girl made unwise decisions.

Nothing impressive/creative, but I'd say it describes my life pretty accurately so far.

@ 12:07 AM

Closing a chapter | Day 1 of 31-Day Journaling Challenge!

(Staring at this empty page wondering: where do I start?)

Been ~~procrastinating~~ trying to work on this post for the longest time - having a hard time sorting out my thoughts and wondering how to even begin. So, instead of continuing on the plan of just blogging about the mount-tons of stuff that have happened, I'm gonna embark on the 31-Day Challenge which I saw from a friend's retweet.
It's a (31-continuous-day) challenge to help jumpstart your journaling, laying out a roadmap for your journal content for the entire duration of the challenge. I figured that it's an apt time to do this, since some of the questions in the roadmap covers the thoughts I want to pen down and.. who cares if this challenge came from 'artofmanliness.com'? Still a great help!

Thus, today marks the first day of the 31-Day Journaling Challenge!

Day 1: Start with answering the question of why you want to journal, and beyond that, why you decided to embark on this 31-day experience. Write out what you’d like to get from journaling.

I've always enjoyed writing (and reading) since young. I express myself the best through words and translating my thoughts and emotions into written words is therapeutic for me. In Primary school, I kept a physical journal. I even brought it around to journal about my days! And that, is the main reason behind this blog - keeping memories. However, distractions' aplenty and I haven't been doing what I like to do, for a very long time.

Also, I recently closed a major chapter pf my life. Lots have happened, as usual. Stepping out of my comfort zone and looking back in retrospect, self-reflecting; I realise how disgusting of a person I am. And I say that because I don't like the person I have become. I have made decisions and done many things I am thoroughly not proud of. I've lost friends, I've lost lovers, and now I've lost respect for myself.

But instead of wallowing in self-pity (which sounds temptingly easy), I shall take the opportunity to blog about it and hopefully, this challenge helps me sort my thoughts out.

So,
Goal 1: I'd like to 're-find' this passion for journaling again, and hopefully after the end of 31 days, I will not be so lazy, and will continue with this practice.

Goal 2: I have to close this chapter of my life once and for all, but I can't completely do that without writing about it somewhere. I guess while I need to move on, part of me doesn't want to forget some things. so through the course of this challenge, I'd be locking up some memories here in my blog (my way of locking up the past in a box in an obscure corner of the closet). Hopefully, this helps me move on and also reflect on myself.

Yay, so there we go! I finally blogged.
Here's the start to the challenge and an active blog again!
CHEERS! ;D

edit: posted this after midnight - Day 1's 27th Aug!

affiliates
Sunday, August 31, 2014 @ 11:44 PM Day 5 of 31 - Letter to a Loved One Day 5: Write a letter to a loved one. Chances are high that there is someone in your life that you’d like to say something important to. Maybe it’s a wife, a parent, a grandparent you never really got to say goodbye to…take the time today to write that out. It can be positive, negative, or anywhere in between. The beauty of this letter is that you aren’t sending it in the mail, you’re simply “voicing” something that needs to be said. Should you choose to share it later, that’s okay, but you don’t have to. Doing this can be a great way to heal anger that’s been pent up inside, or to release a pressure valve of sadness we may have been harboring over something lost. The first person who came to mind for this is someone who isn't really a loved one anymore - more like a loved-ed one? But I guess it still counts. So, to the special someone, Three years isn't exactly very long, but it isn't short at all either, and even though I'm coping quite alright after we part and I know I'll be perfectly fine one day, some memories still creep back. I miss you. I miss the times with you. I miss telling you about my day and sharing interesting bits of stuff with you. I miss being able to completely be my stupid self around you and yet not be judged, or at least, still be loved for being myself. It's true what they say about not knowing what you have until it's gone. I now see how many little things I overlooked. The little things that shows your love, care, and concern. Perhaps I took it for granted. Perhaps I'm too greedy. Or perhaps, the feelings just started to fade.. and I never wanted to admit it because it was so much more comfortable being where we were. I don't know if what I did was right/wrong. I feel like the love is gone, but I can't deny I still care about you and the knot in my throat still comes when my relatives/friends ask about you, and my tears still flow like a running tap while typing this. One thing for sure, I am wrong. Not wrong in the sense of ending this, but I, am wrong. You are right about me being overly-dependent. I am naive and gullible. I rely too much on people's opinions and sway too easily. I am not a good person. I have so much to work on, so much to improve on, so much to change. I'm sorry for leaving while you're still serving. But maybe it's for the better. Maybe we fell in love at the wrong time of our lives, maybe not. Maybe it would have been different if a more talkative you and a more independent me fell in love. Thank you for the memories. We had a great run. I apologise to you and your mom, dad, and sis. From the depths of my heart, I thank all of you for having welcomed me into your lives and taking care of me for the past 3 years. I sincerely wish the best for you, your studies-should you choose to further them, your future career, and everything else. Most importantly, I wish you happiness. I hope that someday, somehow, we can be friends again. Take care Long. With love, Beiby. back to top?
Saturday, August 30, 2014 @ 6:26 PM Day 4 of 31 - Ridding Bad Habits Before starting on this post proper, I realised I have mixed Day 3's post with Day 4 due to it's similarity, so, I have edited Day 3's post and 'shifted' some of Day 3's content to today.. and here it is: Day 4: Via negativia; today, pick a habit that you’d like to eliminate from your life. Bad habits are like armpits, we all have ‘em and they all stink. Whether cutting soda out of your life, or putting a stop to your porn addiction; either way, as with yesterday, think about the steps you’ll take in order to put the kibosh on that negative habit. And again, also think about how you’ll keep yourself accountable to that goal. * 1) STOP PROCRASTINATING * I am a lazy ass, and a scaredy-cat. And those two makes for serious procrastination. So I guess within this is two bad habits to kick: - to stop being so lazy, and - to stop letting fear stop me. SO, instead of procrastinating and putting things off till Next Time (which, more often than not, becomes Never), I'm going to (need to) just do it. Things like - blogging, - quitting my job, - Selling those stuff I've been wanting to sell away for the longest time - actually travel-go places I've always wanted to.. I'm gonna just go forth and step out of this comfort zone. I need to. back to top?
Friday, August 29, 2014 @ 11:59 PM Day 3 of 31 - Positive Habits to Implement [edited on 30/8/14 - realised i didn't correctly do Day 3] Day 3: Decide on one positive habit you’d like to implement in your life. Whether seemingly mundane (like flossing) or perhaps life-altering (exercising every day), think of something you’d like to add to your life that will be beneficial. Then, think about the steps you’ll take to get there, and how you’ll keep yourself accountable. Gosh, I've tons of positive habits I'd like to implement. So much of myself to improve on! Instead of just one, I'm gonna list a few -more important- ones: 1) Take care of my health and beauty I've always had a frail body. And the fact that I don't look after it well makes things worse. So I'll need to be more hardworking in this area. Some of the things I'm gonna try doing to: - Sleep earlier (before 12.30am), - Snack less - Work out more: Run. Do crunches, push-ups. - Taking care of my skin and complexion, esp my face. A big part of that is learning how to do so properly.. :\ 2) Spend time with parents Pretty much self-explanatory. 3) Read consistently I loved reading when I was young. So much so that I secretly got up to read way past my bedtime during primary school. And I wanted to be an author. ;D But along the way as I moved on to Secondary school and onwards, I somehow stopped. Spent more time playing video games than anything else. I'd really like to start reading consistently again. On this, I've just finished The Fault in our Stars and Divergent recently! yay. Hmm, Insurgent next perhaps? Hopefully, my will to carry out these habits sticks! back to top?
Thursday, August 28, 2014 @ 11:46 PM Day 2 of 31 - 6-Word Memoir Day 2: Continuing to work within that idea of constraints, try to write a 6-word memoir of your life so far. This idea is rumored to have originated from Papa Hemingway. The benefit is that with only six words, you really have to filter your life to what you deem most important. It may take you many iterations, but you’ll end up with something that speaks largely to who you are, if not in toto, then at least in this moment in time. After quite abit of edits, here goes my 6-word memoir: Naively stupid girl made unwise decisions. Nothing impressive/creative, but I'd say it describes my life pretty accurately so far. back to top?
@ 12:07 AM Closing a chapter \| Day 1 of 31-Day Journaling Challenge! (Staring at this empty page wondering: where do I start?) Been ~~procrastinating~~ trying to work on this post for the longest time - having a hard time sorting out my thoughts and wondering how to even begin. So, instead of continuing on the plan of just blogging about the mount-tons of stuff that have happened, I'm gonna embark on the 31-Day Challenge which I saw from a friend's retweet. It's a (31-continuous-day) challenge to help jumpstart your journaling, laying out a roadmap for your journal content for the entire duration of the challenge. I figured that it's an apt time to do this, since some of the questions in the roadmap covers the thoughts I want to pen down and.. who cares if this challenge came from 'artofmanliness.com'? Still a great help! Thus, today marks the first day of the 31-Day Journaling Challenge! Day 1: Start with answering the question of why you want to journal, and beyond that, why you decided to embark on this 31-day experience. Write out what you’d like to get from journaling. I've always enjoyed writing (and reading) since young. I express myself the best through words and translating my thoughts and emotions into written words is therapeutic for me. In Primary school, I kept a physical journal. I even brought it around to journal about my days! And that, is the main reason behind this blog - keeping memories. However, distractions' aplenty and I haven't been doing what I like to do, for a very long time. Also, I recently closed a major chapter pf my life. Lots have happened, as usual. Stepping out of my comfort zone and looking back in retrospect, self-reflecting; I realise how disgusting of a person I am. And I say that because I don't like the person I have become. I have made decisions and done many things I am thoroughly not proud of. I've lost friends, I've lost lovers, and now I've lost respect for myself. But instead of wallowing in self-pity (which sounds temptingly easy), I shall take the opportunity to blog about it and hopefully, this challenge helps me sort my thoughts out. So, Goal 1: I'd like to 're-find' this passion for journaling again, and hopefully after the end of 31 days, I will not be so lazy, and will continue with this practice. Goal 2: I have to close this chapter of my life once and for all, but I can't completely do that without writing about it somewhere. I guess while I need to move on, part of me doesn't want to forget some things. so through the course of this challenge, I'd be locking up some memories here in my blog (my way of locking up the past in a box in an obscure corner of the closet). Hopefully, this helps me move on and also reflect on myself. Yay, so there we go! I finally blogged. Here's the start to the challenge and an active blog again! *CHEERS! ;D* *edit: posted this after midnight - Day 1's 27th Aug!* back to top?