June 1st 1991 baby
ex - Singapore Polytechnic communications student
Strictly Dance Zone

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THANKS UH MARLENE TAN. well at least now i have smth to blog about and not be lazy:

1. How long will you wait for someone you love?
as long as it takes.

2. What do you want to do now?
sleep.

3. What will you be doing at 6pm?
uhm. depends. eithr travelling or doing assignments or slacking.

4. Do you hate your friends sometimes?
i get upset over what they do luh, but not to the point of hate.

5. Where do you wish to die?
crap. im only 17.

6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
i guess so.

7. What are the impossible things you wish to do?
dance like dope ; feel love (romance)

8. Is there something which you wished never happened? What is it?
yea, definitely. dont wana mention it here though. =X

9.Are you happy with your life now?
trying to, stay optimistic. but not fully so.

10. What if your crush asked you out?
idk, depends on circumstance i guess.

11. What will you do when you feel bored?
stone.

12. What feelings do you hate the most?
the feeling of knowing smth bad is gg to happen but yet not being able to do anything about it.
the feeling of knowing smth is dere, yet not being able to reach for it.

13. Do you cherish every friendship of yours?
course i do.

14. What are you looking forward to in the coming weeks?
being able to rest, finally.

Instructions: Remove one question from above and replace it w your own.
Tag 11 people, list them down at the end of th post.
Notify them in their chatbox that they've been tagged.
CHANGE: Q13: If you will be separated from your loved one(s) for quite a period of time, what will be some things you want to tell them?

1. TYLER
2. KAI ?
3. RACHEL [HOHOHO NDP]
4. AMANDA "
5. NELSON "
6. KENJI "
7. GARY "
8. NOELLE
9. SERENA
10. DMC'o4
11. ANYONE (: back to top?

back to trying to keep myself happy..

ha-ha of the day:
http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=30418

sigh, don't know why.
suddenly starting to miss you. back to top?

i failed it.
din get selected for dance auds.
i practiced so hard. lost two nights of sleep and bruise n aches all over, and all dat ive practice, i forgot. how sucky, de trouble wid nerves and no confidence.

sigh.
cried.
feels horrible to embarrass myself infront of daniel n so many seniors, feel like diggin a hole n hiding inside. i actually forgot what to do AT ALL n stoned there. crap.

im sucha loser.
i feel so lousy.
pissed wid myself for being such a crap.
why did i lose my nerves! sigh.

HAPPY birthday. indeed. back to top?

aight, been ages since i posted. dont rly hav time to type a detailed post. lots hav happened.

of randominity, whichever pops up in my mind now:
-been almost 3wks since i last saw him. gadd.. lonely.
-getting more n more cant stand bev. idk, mayb is becus i cant stand de way she is treatin rio.. like her own when he alrdy got a gf. i rly dun get rio eithr. blehs, i jus cant stand it luh, i mean come on, im someone who got twotimed painfully b4.
-bin super bz wid lotsa stuff

SP DANCE CAMP FRM 16 - 18 [LAST FRI TO SUN] wooo. it was awesome man. i stayed throughout. i thought id be lonely n all dat but woah man. i enjoyed thoroughly. it was SUPER exhausting all right, i ended up coming home wid an aching stomach muscle n my limbs felt like dropping off. i was glad i got into KeeWee group/crew. our crew was super enthu. n our leaders were awesome. Keekee DADDY n Weewee MUMMY. haha! we called our female leader daddy n male leader mummy. so cute uh. x) cant wait for the pics to b uploaded to SDZ web. ahh.

and gosh, im super scared for de audi nxt wed. only 60/400 will be chosen. id be really really disappointed if i dont get in. =[ God, please bless me. Amen. back to top?

its like, 3.45am now. jus finished watching this really nice show on veoh.com
felt horrible jus now, felt dis strong urge to cry, but yet i jus cant seem to, n ppl who i usually seek comfort from... aint available.
so i went to search on youtube randomly, de first thing dat came into my head, mandy moore - cry. n i watched this specific vid, dat got me to go n watch de movie, even though its super late n i hav to wake up early to go my uncle's hse to 'repair' my lappy.

A Walk to Remember


this vid actually if u haven watch de movie, itd be a rly big spoiler so i suggest u go HERE to watch de show first. (: n dont read on becus id be typing stuff dat reveals de movie's contents.

but anyw, other than successfully making me cry like shiet, dere are 3 parts of conversation i rly rly like, dat i rly find very impactful... to me.

first is when de guy (Landon) fell in love wid de girl (Jamie) after subconsciously being changed by her (Landon was kinda of a high school gangster, who dont go to church). Jamie is a strong Christian who believes strongly in being who she is. Jamie told Landon dat he had to prove dat he's not de gangster he used to be. Landon fell in love wid Jamie n wanted to date her, n she said no, cus she isnt allowed to date. Landon went straight to church and looked for Jamie's dad, who is the church "main pastor" [they used a term but i cant rmb], n he asked permission frm her dad. after being rejected straight in de face, he said this to her dad [i cant rmb fully but it went smth like this] :

"sir, all i ask for is what Jamie believe in, and what you teach us in church everyday. faith."

beautiful. =x

the othr 2, is included in de vid i embedded here, de one whr Landon found out abt Jamie's condition and the othr part is de ending.

love these two phrases:
"I do not need a reason to be angry with God." - Jamie
"Our love, is like the wind. I can't see it, but i can feel it." - Landon back to top?

thanks to our IMW tutor, who played this song when we did work in class, dat i got to know of it.
an old song, but this SG singer sang it beautifully. (: jus listen.



You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
In what you say or do
I'm only just beginning
To see the real you

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I want to hold you till I die
Till we both break down and cry
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through all the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
Im just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I want to hold you till I die
Till we both break down and cry
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides

At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly
At times I understand you
And I know how hard you try
I watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by
At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I want to hold ya till I die
Till we both break down and cry
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides

Labels: Hiding till the fear subsides.

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sigh,
sometimes i hate being a high S profile. urgh
why do i always wanna hide my feelings so as not to upset someone else?
why cant i be a D? why. why? WHY.

it's so tiring sometimes, when all u can do is scream out loud-inside ur head, and wind up whining over it in ur private blog.

im so tired. so tired.
my body is being overused.
and its aching all over everyday.
so is my heart.

zzz. oh and by the way, i hate selfish ppl who show attitude for no apparent reason n wants her way. nin na na. slap ****** face upside down. pull her hair out. kick her butt. scratch her face. ROAR. bth sia.


aye. we need u man kai.
everyone is slowly starting to miss u.
gosh, we're falling apart w/o you.
trainings have been so quiet and unlively w/o you.
WE NEED YOU. =(
we miss you!

i miss you. back to top?

omg omg omg omg omg!
SUPER CUTE CAN

DONT U THINK WE LOOK FATHER-DAUGHTERLY! =33

Ryan papa! hahahahaha -goes crazy-

woots! Hiphop 2 Graduation! super fun. my ribs nearly broke though-from the halem shakes.

ahhhh! LOVE RYAN. he's super cute. back to top?

FIRST, I DECLARE THAT ALL THESE IS MY OWN FEELINGS, THOUGHTS, I DIDNT TYPE THIS TO PURPOSELY OFFEND OR PICK ON ANYONE, BUT BECUS I'VE BEEN FEELING THIS FOR QUITE A WHILE ALREADY, AND I CANT STAND IT. PPL WHO KNOW ME WELL SHUD NOE I BLOG TO RELEASE EMOTIONS SO, DONT READ THIS POST IF U CANNOT TAKE COMMENTS FROM AN ANGRY PERSON.

urgh, the unfairity of all these shit, overwhelming.
yeah, nth is ever fair all right, but this is fucking too much luh. like, wat the hell. wat are we now? 'helpers' or slaves?

havent been v satisfied/happy wid the organisation/management of every training, behind the scenes etc. like, okay, we arent de management team as we used to be known as, but we are still known as 'Rio's helpers'. TCS was fine wid majority of us. i mean, we volunteerily helped, and we helped A LOT. i seriously believe if we didnt step up to help to lead dat kinda stuff, every training startin frm de day TKSS students came down, wudave been chaos, absolute chaos.

last time it was fine, although we had to sacrifice, i was totally alright wid it, becus i felt proud to serve, proud to be a helper. proud not becus we had a 'superior name' to us but becus it jus feels good to like, help those who needed. but now, ever since kai stepped down n bev took up his responsibility, i feel more n more disgusted. yes. DISGUSTED is de exact word.

i mean like, i understand why of all ppl "kai passed his responsibility to her" [actually even if kai didnt pass it to her, someone else wudave pulled her up to authority]. i understand that bev is Leader-quality as she is a high D profile. but sometimes i fucking cant stand it when bev/rio let their personal life control the 'work life'. it started off alright. but over time, it became more n more obvious that bev AND rio canot lead properly w/o kai's help.

i used to complain dat kai is too strict abt seperating priv n work life, now i understand why...

de biggest number 1, rio is biased. SUPER biased, n he cant lead la can. wtf man. look, rio is supposed to be the SKYRUNNER IN-CHARGE from the Illers. he is SUPPOSED to be the one running all the programs, organising, leading in skyrunning. but hey! so far, who have been the one doing everything? [i noe im stereo-typing by saying 'everything' becus i noe rio did do some behind-de-scene stuff, such as de choreo, but other than de choreo, i really cant think of any other thing he has thought of that helped wid the trainings.] (i apologise beforehand if i say this w/o seeing rio's side to the story, and if he DID do alot of stuff i dont know of)
just ask ANY skyrunner participants, ANY ONE. noticed i stressed ANYONE. and i bet they will feel dat de incharge is kai, n now, bev. jus look at all de trainings, oni when it comes to choreo where rio takes his position, other than dat, normal buddy-grp-help trainings, its kai n now, bev.

anyway, im super fucking pissed also becus. when we were the 'management team', wid kai leading us, all was fine. dere were disagreements no doubt, but id jus cite REAL examples.
1 - wid kai, we, de helpers, will always be informed by kai beforehand regarding wat we will be doing at nxt training, even if it was jus a brief information.
now, only bev noes every fucking thing and she doesnt tell ANYONE. i mean okay, yes, some stuff is... supposedly rio says oni betw him n her, but i dont get it, if u guys want OUR help, u need to inform us of wat to do right? LOOK. every training nowadays, dis is wat happens: we come, we warmup, we go down, n on the spot, we are TOLD to do this, do that

2 - wid kai, he assign us to respective groups, depending on where we are more suitable to help n where we are better to help in, most of the time, we stick back to where we everytime help at.
now, every training, we get last minute instructions n we are pushed everywhere, wherever that needs help. its really pissing luh. its DISGUSTING can. like, if u want our help, pls for heavens sake give us instructions beforehand, we are HELPERS, not SLAVES. we are not PAID to do all these shit. fuck. we have feelings too.

rmb dat kai keep telling us, we are not management, we are HELPERS, we are NOT superior. we are the same level as the others, jus dat we are seen as leaders becus we stepped up to help. but now, i cant stand it man, i dont want to say it, but its been a prolonged annoyance, i cant stand it anymore.
this is very bad for me to say but, sometimes nowadays, i cant help but feel some ppl becoming more n more SUPERIOR each day.

instead of hearing our helpers thoughts sometimes, we are like, ti4 si3 gui3, we are called as and when we are needed. and SUPERIOR powers do all de decision making. end. no information, NOTHING. i say, you do. finish.
go eat shit la. think wat? know all de behind-de-scenes things so wat? zzz

urgh, super tired of the AWESOMELY lousy organisation. dont even bother helping anymore. id rather be one of the TKSS student, no sacrifices, n most inportantly, NO POLITICS SHIT.

blehs. i resign.
u guys are power, so u guys, do ur own stuff, dont need our help no more. (: cus we dunno wats happening anymore and we dont know what to do. so, u guys jus organise n do ur own stuff.
okay?

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