June 1st 1991 baby
ex - Singapore Polytechnic communications student
Strictly Dance Zone

Facebook
Twitter bolditalicunderlinestrikeout

Firstly,
ROAR. kick blogger's arse. crap. been trying to upload piccus to my posts, but BLOGGER JUST DONT WANT TO UPLOAD MY PICS.

this post aint for normal reading, so if your not the 'YOU' in this post, den u can move along. (:

sigh, i resolved to move on all right. but sometimes things u do still brushes salt against the healing wound. i have so many things i want to ask you, but i dont have the strength to do so. im pacing back and forth within my own world, trying to convince myself that i haven't got any business wid you anymre. sometimes i succeed, but it's undeniably superficial. at times i thought id move on, yet, at other times, i jus felt like saying "I Love You" a last time before i really turn my back and walk the other direction, but the knot that forms up in my throat makes me feel so disappointed wid myself, reminding me how silly i am to think that you still love me and dreaming of the day we walk down the streets tgt, hand in hand.

The promise you held in the last conv we had on msn b4 ur internet was gone, about you 'not going anywhere' and me not to worry n try too hard. I held that promise. i got over trying-too-hard. i went back to being myself. but was it jus to ease my heart, or was it a true promise. did you really mean it? dyu even rmb it? dyu still hold it? or does it even matter to you anymore? do i still mean smth to you at all?

The time when u talked abt the marriage thingy over the phn wid me, casually. did you really take my literal answer and believe that i was alright wid the topic? dyu even noe how difficult it was for me to remain calm and not cry and still pretend to laugh like its not hurting me? did u noe i was upset at all? did u talk abt those stuff on purpose? or was it jus a random thing?

Ytd night the ndp rehearsal while we were in CE preparing to go out to try out the finale performance, i was near u and u received a call and picked it up saying "Hi darling, wassup". did you do it on purpose? did you even consider how i might feel on hearing that? did u noe how much it made me upset even though it is the first time i felt that bad after de talk abt the marriage thingy that made me resolved to move on? or did you even CARE? or dyu hav the thinking that its my own fault for being so sensitive? for being so silly and dumb and stupid to think that u wud even care abt the possibility of me being unable to get over you yet and getting upset over your businesses?

i told bev i need to speak to you. to ask u all these stuff straight. i told her dat i needed a straight answer from you, esp the promise. cus its painful, and its jus me. i say i resolve to move on. it works out right. but then again it upsets me when u do those kinda things and it leads it back to your promise, and i start to wonder.
i cant seem to move on, i dont know why. i guess, it's becus of the promise. its that promise that made me hold on til now. but the talk abt the marriage thingy rly shook me. i knew it was painful, idk how i was to do it, n i still dont know how im gg to do it, but i knew i had to move on wid life. i cant possibly hold on to you waiting and waiting for 2 years. besides, im not someone you want for life, and your not someone i want for life. at least thats how it seems now.

i customized a couple-like keychain on 26 may at a flea market in my sch. its made of clay and both are heart shaped. 1 side shows a guy wid the word "always" and the name Kai at the side. anthr side shows a girl wid the word " love(the heart shape) u" and the name Ling at the side. i din noe why i bought it. its 6bucks. but i jus felt that i needed to buy it. so i did. i wrote the date i bought it in a note and wrapped it along wid the keychains. i knew it wasnt quite possible for me to give the keychain to u. but i wrote the date n wrapped it up, hoping that one day, someday, i might be able to give 1 side to you, and use the other side myself.
I think im going to throw it away. I don't know. its pointless to keep it anyway.

Labels: Give me an answer. please.

back to top?