June 1st 1991 baby
ex - Singapore Polytechnic communications student
Strictly Dance Zone

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i dont even know where to start.
perhaps... i'll tell you this.
im hiding in the toilet right now typing this post.
becus i cudnt take it anymore and i ran out frm the clubhse to de toilet,
to hide my feelings.
the cleaner is outside cleaning the toilet as i hide inside,
and im hiding in here,
crying in pain,
alone.

i thought i was done wid crying.
it was numb in the morning.
as i woke up wid swollen eyes,
heavy heart,
soul-less.
i cudnt even squeeze a single tear out of me anymore.

its the afternoon now.
ive been thinking a lot.
a lot.
i was fighting my own feelings.
you know what kind of girl i am.
stupid.
stupid for always holding on and believing
even when im being lied to forever.

i want to believe what you said to me last night.. so much.
so much.
that you are doing this for my own good,
that i mean so much to you,
that you are afraid history would repeat itself,
so you wanted to let our feelings die off slowly,
that i am too good for an asshole like you,
that i have been the girl you thought of when you see loveydovey romantic movies
that you have dreamt of us a number of times already,
that you actually do cherish me.

but its not all true,
is it?
i was afraid too.
i was afraid that history would repeat too.
but you can't jus 'love' a girl one moment, kiss her n stuff,
and the next moment you are afraid to bring it furthur.
its just not how it works!
why could'nt we just talk it over?
like how we used to talk on the phone whenever we had probs.
why can't you just tell me the truth?
why?
why are you always running away?
why?
why can't you just sit me down nicely and tell me the truth?
it would hurt.
but it hurts more that you always have to lie,
to satisfy me momentarily
and it hurts even more when i find the truth out from elsewhere.

I JUST WANT ANSWERS TYLER.
answers.
i dont wanna hear lies.
even if they are white lies.
i dont want to hear them.
i was afraid to like you again.
but i gave you a try,
becus i trusted.
but why couldn't you try too.
why are you so... weak.
why cant you fight for what you want.
WHY?
why....

but then again.
maybe you never loved me at all.
no.
you never even liked me before.
the scariest thing is.
i dont even know which of you is real anymore.
who are you?
do i know you.. anymore?

i just want the truth.
tell me about us.
tell me about her.
tell me about her friend.
tell me what you are really feeling.
please.
tell me so that i can really decide once and for all.
becus im dying from the pain. back to top?